i'm so confused. earlier today there was the chapman university talk. i must admit i could feel my hair stand. totally felt like it was calling out to me.

i mean.. sometimes, you know how an opportunity knocks on your door but it's just a 50-50 thing, like you're not sure if you're 100% interested but since its already there, you feel like "okay im gonna do this".. probably for convenience sake.

BUT I SWEAR IT WASNT LIKE THAT AT ALL.

I WAS SO FUCKEN EXCITED I SWEAR.

but a BFA in Creative Producing.. is it a safe course? i mean.. i'm dropdead serious about sticking around in the film industry. THIS IS MY CALLING IN LIFE.

but considering that Chapman is an established university.. ngehhh i really dont know.

and today i had this conversation with lin and jordus. about how serious we really are in fsv. are we in here cos we're passionate about films, or film-making.. or both? or are we here cos we appreciate films, or are we passionate about appreciating films. appreciating films and being passionate for films... all lie on totally different levels.

for me, i think i'm passionate about film-making. i really appreciate films, but not too passionate about appreciating it.

i wanted to write good stories. i wanted to direct good films. i wanted to do many things. and then i end up getting in this course and realise... i wanna produce. or, work on the technical side.

iya fuck la. i dont wanna think about it too much. still got one year to go!! not even over with year 2 yet so dont need talk so much. hahaha.

i am so weird.