nothing to lose.

Mood: Guilty. very very very guilty.
Music: Arashi - one love

Dear Mama,
I know you're disappointed in me. I deserve a scolding. I deserve a beating, so I would wake up and start taking your words seriously. Why is it that my tears seem so inferior to you. Why is it that my tears seem to make you weak. It sucks that you're not doing anything about it. I feel so guilt-stricken that all I can do is sit in my room and wonder when will I be able to face you again. I'd rather leave this place than to see your crying face.

Dear Abah,
I don't need those reassuring words of yours. You're too reasonable for a father. "I shall forget what happened today okay. You. Never treasure the trust i put in you." WHAT THE FUCK. Slap my face, whip my hands. How the hell am I going to wake up. I guess I already have, but arghh. Being so nice makes me all the more guilty. All you did was to back ma up when she chickened out. And you can't even look me in the eye when you're scolding me.

I TOTALLY understand now why I'm so vulnerable. I must've gotten it from the both of you.