Post Created Aug 17, 2010 3:34:58 PM

It's not everyday someone in your life dies. Sucks to know a friend's feeling fucked up and there's nothing I can do about it.

Post Created Aug 16, 2010 4:00:34 AM

I AM TESTING MAH BRAND NEW BLOG APP ON MAH PHONE Y'ALL

zidd's mum makes the best kentang ball.

not to mention the ayam lemak chili padi.

mmmmm

guess who's back bitches

I've shifted to
http://www.skinthehide.livejournal.com
permanently. Say goodbye to happy-fatty@blogspot!

We had our run but now our time is up.

Hahaha i make it sound like i'm breaking up with my blog.

New blog here.

I find the need to privatize my posts sometimes so i decided to shift! ^^

ADD MEEEEE!! Oh and you can delete mmwhaleyum@lj lol not gonna use that anymore. or craznockstar@lj, if you STILL have that. the last time i used it was like a year ago.

ahhhhh i want to sleep why cannot sleeeeeeeeeeep!!

TSK so annoying.

i'm sitting at makan place drinking iced coffee, i feel like a 40 year old man. had that stupid smoking counselling thing made me wake up at 8. Barely had 3 hours of sleep argggg i feel stoned and groggy. now i'm just waiting for marjie atq and josh to come then we're meeting machine kam. I mean michael kam lol. i want to sleeeeeeep but yay after ibp meeting going toqn with kak lin and didi watch traveller's time wife. I just hope i wont fall asleep cos when i'm sleepy i just sleep through whatever movie i'm watching lol.

Anyway i think i shhall stick by what lin said and be firm on my decisions, dont want to falter anymore and lyonn said something amazing i can just live by it right now, 'with all this shit thats happening, something epicly awesome is gonna come by i should just wait and see' or something along those lines. Godddd my tweet buddies are amazing ^^

i am so tired. tired of maintaining interpersonal relationships tired of all the 'sorting out' conversations.

i wish i could be more ignorant. i wish i could just say "okay whatever rocks your cock. you wanna stay out of my life, you stay out."

fuck la what the hell does the 5 years of friendship/whatever-it-was-that-we-used-to-have mean to you. i thought you knew me well enough to understand the plight i was in.

i really don't know what to say anymore. i dont know what to do. you asked me what difference does it make whether we are on terms or not. fuck you. you know how much you mean in my life. fine ah i admit it was my fault i made you feel so used but seriously, i did not mean it at all. and i really am guilty. YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT WELL ENOUGH.

fuck la why everything so fucked now.

omg i hate plastic notes grrrrrr

Hahaha i didnt realize blogger has like this.. biased liking towards gmail so whenever i log in to my summeranditsrain gmail account by default it never gets logged out and i go blogger and start blogging using my ibp gmail account. which is creepy cos atiqah and marjie know the password to the account lol

My room has become a storage place ): my mum keeps all the kueh here. and the ironing board doesnt get folded up and kept properly during hari raya and now it's smack in the middle of my room making it so messyyyyy tsk.

i bought a black kebaya ystd. mum loves it so much but it makes me look like a minah. oh except that it's not see through. and i didnt know i am size S when it comes to kebaya. i'm thinner than i thought i am lol

ohhhh earlier this evening my neighbor sent an invitation card and invited us to his daughter's wedding. she's 17. she makes me feel like i'm 40 and unwanted. i was so shocked and by default i speak in a typically high pitch voice when i freak out and my mum went like

"alaaaa kalau dah ade org masuk minang nak kahwin dgn siti skrg pon mak kahwinkan terus."

o.o

WHICH MADE ME FREAK OUT EVEN MORE. I JUST WENT LIKE "HAH GILER PER TAK BOLEH LA SITI BELUM ACHIEVE APE2 IN LIFE SAK LAGI RELA TAK KAHWIN TRUS DARI KAHWIN SEKARANG MAK JGN TAKUTKAN TI AH."

i went all mousey i swear. (lol i went all adilla HAHAHAHA)

dude. srsly. is 17 even a legal age?! good god. she hasnt had enough time to go out and meet people and live teenhood to like.. its best. wait wtf am i doing, talking like a 40 year old. hahahah one night before raya and i'm publicizing my perspective on this girl's decision. hah i'm going to hell.

ah well. selamat hari raya to everyone. i dont do apologizing on my blog. maybe i should photoshop some raya wishes on one of my best photos then post it up here HAHAHA sial la aku cari pasal sia. ANYWAYYYYY YEAHH ENJOY YOUR HARI RAYA EVERYONE AND TO NON MUSLIMS HAPPY HOLIDAYS ENJOY YOUR ONE DAY PUBLIC HOLIDAY LOL


p.s: besok mintak maaf dari mak jgn nangis banyak2 k. maintain sikit eh bang.. you know who you are lol

so last night we ended up roaming around fairprice extra and bought like 70plus bucks worth of toiletries i dont know how come hahahaha now my hair has a new smell. damn nice sia cb herbal essences lavender one and as i'm typing i have my hair covering my face cos i'm so in love with the new smell of my hair.

and so we were walking around the bedsheet section.

FAT: EH CB AH HOW COME ALL THE SUPER SINGLE BEDSHEET SO FUCKING UGLY AH NI NAK BUNGKUS APE PUNYER KAIN BUNGKUS KEPALA DATOK DIER PE SIA

IWAN: EH POMPAN KAU BOLEH BERBUAL MCM POMPAN SIUMAN SIKIT TAK.

and then some minah at the side were staring at us weird. good god.

and then cos my brothers and i love imitating how the kiuk kiuk chinese gerzx talk. so then arif just picked out a box of disney crap and went

"AWWW SHOOO KIUK HEHEHE"

and then some nyonya by the side just stood staring at him for a good 5 seconds HAHAHA i havent had such a good laugh in so long.

i dont know what i'm typing anymore i'm just typing everything that is in my head right off. i'm all dressed and ready to go actually but my dad was on morning shift so after he came back from friday prayer he took a nap so now he's still asleep and i dont wanna wake him up or rush him or anything cos he looks so peaceful sleeping on the couch so here i am just killing time do shit like this cos this is what i do best.

there has been
so many things so many people
around me that
keep me going keep me happy
but i cant help but to
feel so empty feel so fragmented

okay shut up.

omgggg i'm stuck on Zee Avi's First of the Gang to Die. Such a nice song and I prefer her version better to Morissey's. not bad ah damn nice also her voice.

anywayyyyy when raya comes and i get all the duit raya, i'm gonna spend it all on 2 things. Kitkat and Tictac aaaaaaaaaand decorating my room!!! Mum's against me having dark colored walls but nvm i buy my own paint ahhhh hahaha anyway Kitkat and Tictac are the names of my new pet hamsters. well technically i havent got them yet but I WILL soon yay!

mum wasn't too happy with me keeping pets either she says i wont have time to take care of them and eventually she'll be the one taking care of them, just like how it was with Minnie. but i remember using a toothbrush and colgate and brushing minnie's shell like how a normal person would brush their teeth damn weird ah hahaha.

omg i cant wait to buy the best cage there ever is for TicKat (i figure that would be like a nice duo combo name) and then decorate it so well with colorful wheels and little hay-things and ahhhhh i want something like THIS. But I've a feeling i'll end up getting something much simpler (obviously) like this one instead. i just want that cylindrical tube tube thing for my hamsters to roam around weeeeeeee cant wait ^_^

just filled up the kueh in the containers my whole family's home. well.. 5 of us. feels weird and incomplete ):

i'm supposed to be getting ready to go Jurong Point now with Iwan and Arif. Tmr i'm gonna go geylang with my dad to get carpet and since mum's been insisting that I at least get one set for myself I'm gonna go get one set of nice black sleek kurung tmr.

okok iwan's nagging gtg now. i dont even know why we're going jp now anyway.

i miss my family so much. i miss being called shima by my brothers. love 'em so much xoxo lol

yay left hook shoot just wrap up. now for the next few days till raya comes i'm going to just buka at home everyday and be a good daughter good sister. i've been away from home too fucking long and i'm missing the human touch and.. no wait but then again i've been with people too. ok shit lets not get emotional i dont wanna show too much of my human side you see.

so while the rest are packing here i am blogging and listening to shiatz on ziddy's laptop. mega slacker if you ask. hahaha.

if i had a younger sibling or cousin i would never allow them to meet dick and salleh. all the kids that come for our shoot might just end up growing to be like them. sorry to say this didi. and di, you realize how every boy related to you that comes on a salleh shoot ends up getting kissed somehow? hah for real.

okay gtg and help pack cant slack away anymore zzzzzzzzzz lol

i really dont want to assume all these things that could be untrue but i have no alibi that says otherwise.

I have ceased all contacts with you and i'm pretty sure you are happy abt it because now you can move on happily with new people you have in your life and i'm sure i would too in a long run because you are such a jerk for not being honest and i really dont want us to end on bad terms but fuck laaaaaaaaaaaaaa you fucking lying scumbag.

fuck. you could've told me yourself. right from the start.

i've decided to pick the first, out of the two choices lin gave me. i am the strongest person i know, really. i just don't know it yet! (:

weeeee i'm just so glad the shoot went pretty smoothly today. we were on schedule and everything felt right somehow. today's a good day, and now that we're done with the test shoot we can focus on the finalized script and pre-pro for ZE REAL THANG.

(although let's just say i really need to see the footage after telecine to feel all good abt it hahaha)

thanks again for those who came to help out. Lin you make an amazing A.D and the guys were just being their usual awesome selves. AND OMGGGG MIRANDA'S SO FUCKING ADORABLE SHE'S THE CUTEST THING I'VE SEEN IN A LONG LONG TIMEEEE. AND SHE TALKS LIKE SUCH A SUNSHINE BRIGHT RAINBOWS AND BUTTERLIES GIRL AND ARGHHHH AND OH GOD KEAGAN KANG HAHAHAHA LETS NOT START.

i dont know how i made any sense. so sleepy now.

i love my wacky and spontaneous self. i need to find myself again. i went to meet nikki yesterday and at 10-ish i didnt feel like going home and so did she and so we suddenly decided to hang out at the beach. and so we did go to sentosa and lie down on palawan beach and talk about our fucked lives till 4AM. early in the morning walk out of sentosa fucking far nbcb walk from sentosa to vivo the bridge macam can die sia fuck. then i took the first 30 home took a quick shower and 30 minutes later off to go on a shoot.

that's how i wanna live my life. not lie on my bed after midnight and feel fucking sorry for myself.

i think that really was so much more rejuvenating than what an 8-hour's good night sleep can do to me.

YAY TOMORROW GO OUT MEET FRIENDS THEN SHEESHAAAAAAA HAVENT SHEESHA-ED IN SO LONGGGG :D

my dad walked into my room and said it was messy and when i told him i've been busy and that i'll clean up this weekend he gave me the bitchiest eyeroll i've ever seen him give and i got sad ):

my desktop so fucking messy already means i dont have time whaaaaaaat. not my fault two days do shit to my room. its not even that bad la just my camera cable and my bag lying on the floor THATS IT grrr.

i've been doing 10 hours worth of pre-pro work for the past 2 days now i shall watch FRIENDS and go to sleep by 2.

it's been a tiring day. Recce verrrrrry tiring under hot hot sun with dry dry throat.

it's dreams like these that make me wanna kill myself first thing when i wake up.

has it ever been my choice that i'm so absorbed with school.
has it ever been my choice to a be a highly emotional wreck.
has it ever been my choice that all i can do is smile and laugh away every fucking thing people say to me, funny or not.
has it ever been my choice to be so analytical about shit that happens to me and then not ever talk about it and let people think that i'm fucking okay with every fucking thing.

has it ever been my choice that i am supposed to get over him.
has it ever been my choice that i fell in love with someone who chose to give me up.
has it ever been my choice to have to suck it up and move the fuck on when i'm still stuck in time.
has it ever been my choice to be such a fucking fool for you.

has it ever been my choice that every now and then when i need a fucking good bawl and then i look around and see that all my friends have their own set of problems and who the fuck am i to call people at 3AM to waste their time listen to me cry.

has it ever been my choice to be so fucking pathetic.
has it ever been my choice to fall in love.
has it ever been my choice to live.